Why I’m Starting Over Before I’m 30, Part 2 (I’m Done Wallowing)

June 23, 2015 Update: I feel the need to clarify that this post is NOT about indulging in self-pity or blaming the universe for situations you’re not keen on. Please don’t get it twisted. This is about allowing yourself to literally wallow, as defined by the dictionary, “to spend time experiencing or enjoying something without making any effort to change your situation, feelings, etc,” in whatever your present situation may be. That’s a lot harder than it sounds, and if you’re looking for some company to your pity party, you’ll not find any here.

Buyer Beware! This doesn't even exist IRL.

Buyer Beware! This doesn’t even exist IRL.

I got a new job today.

That’s kind of weird. As if I just went to the Job Store or Career Depot, sampled here and tested there, then made a decision and took a million selfies to brag about it share my joy.

OK, in a way, I guess that’s what I did (shameless selfies included). I don’t want to get into the details of the gig – it’s still too new aka hasn’t even started yet – but the process did bring a revelation, which is the real reason for this post.

Ready? Here it is: Wallowing is the best thing ever.

Hear me out. A couple months ago, I wrote about “Why I’m Starting Over Before I’m 30.” I’d decided that being unhappy in my career was lazy and stupid. I’m pretty sure I was right.

After taking the last year to do some soul-searching, my lack of inspiration and overall hermitude in the past few months made it abundantly clear that it was time for me to actually answer the pesky questions that relentlessly flooded my mind. Or, as my sweet, insightful Mama said to me earlier today, I’d “wallowed long enough.” (PS. Mom, this post is lovingly dedicated to you; thanks for letting me do me, even though it killed you a little bit inside.)

That may be, but now, thanks to that long-enough-wallowing, I’m on the brink of a pretty exciting and enticing opportunity. I’ve had plenty of them in my life – and that’s not an exaggeration or sarcasm. What’s different about this one, though, is that I feel like it’s the culmination of something that I did on purpose… of something I conscientiously chose.

As I alluded to in my other post, many of the things I’ve accomplished in my life have been done out of a sense of what I felt others expected of me. Wallowing, on the other hand, was something that was just for me. And it was wonderful.

The utter confusion and looming “what now?” of my Wallowing (yes, that’s capitalized for a reason) forced me to honestly assess my past, present and future. It pushed me to really dig into what I’ve loved versus what I’ve hated, what I’ve tolerated versus what I’ve craved. Wallowing is seriously the best thing I’ve ever done.

It might sound selfish, but that’s only because it is. And it should be. I mean, how are you supposed to move forward with making decisions toward happiness and fulfillment if you don’t take the time to truly understand what makes you feel happy and fulfilled?! That’s the beauty of a good Wallow. Priorities are clarified, and the inconsequential stays just that.

So, I wallowed. And from that, I reflected and I discovered. I realized that I’m quite capable of deciding what I want, and of wholeheartedly pursuing it. I pursued, and today it paid off. But I don’t plan on stopping. Get ready, world… I’m feeling inspired.

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