When “Just Friends” Becomes Delusional

Sometimes it feels like I attract the wrong men. Other times, it seems I fall for the wrong men. Most times, I feel it’s time to just chuck my “list of potentials” and start fresh, aka give in and create an online dating profile. Everything else in my life is run by social interwebbing anyway, why not my love life?

But then I realize I’m not ready to give up the idea of having a cute story to someday tell my children of how I met their father. And call me old fashioned, but in my mind, that story doesn’t involve “oh, well, we read each others’ profiles and decided to meet in real life.”

All that over-thinking aside, I’m still faced with a daily dilemma of how to handle those situations where feelings become involved on one or both sides of a friendship, but escalating our interaction beyond the “friends zone” is not an option:

1. Ignore the fact that he’s emotionally unavailable and hold on to my rom-com-inspired notions that if I just never give up hope and always stay true to myself, eventually I’ll get the guy I want, even if he’s not right for me, because he’ll realize how awesome I am and decide to change.

2. Embrace my “do what’s best for me” side and cut off all contact with a guy who doesn’t want the same things I do, even if we could be good friends if I just got over myself and remind myself I’m a grown-up who won’t always get what she wants.

3. Decide to be a feminist and just be with who I want to be with, when I want to be with them, convincing myself that I don’t need a monogamous relationship to find satisfaction.

4. Give up dating altogether and focus on my job.

Ideally, my solution to handling these situations should involve a healthy balance of each of these approaches. But the problem remains: HOW DO I FIGURE OUT THAT BALANCE?

(Perhaps something like sticking around to enjoy him as a friend while realizing a relationship with him before he’s ready wouldn’t end well so I should just do me and not be afraid to open up to others who may come along, all the while remembering that my career is the most important thing to focus on right now?)

I guess in the mean time, it’s Saturday night and it’s time for me to get out of my house and do what people my age do when they want to avoid thinking about the plight of their romantic lives: Hit a bar for drinks, convos and game-watching with friends. (Yeah, that sounds like a better balance)

And hopefully, this song will get out of my head…

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