To Be, To Take or To Have A Lover?

I am a woman. As much as I think I’m pretty awesome at owning that role (Occupy Womanhood!), it still has it’s drawbacks.

Like the fact that I’m wide awake way past my bed time because of the raging war between my soulful romantic and my logical caustic. Over a man.

I once heard a quote that still makes me laugh:

“Ladies, I’ve taken a lover.”

I’m not sure where it’s from … according to one friend, it’s from Carrie Bradshaw. But the Internet doesn’t seem to really recognize the line as a quotable and attributable quote, so for now let’s just not worry about who said it and focus on what’s being said.

In my supercalifragilisticexpialidocious mind, there are several ways to interpret this idea:

  1. Selfishly. At the sentiment’s core lies your desire to inimitably lay claim to another person; there is no reference here to a mutually beneficial interaction. This person who you have “taken” exists in your world solely to please you. (You betta make ‘em work!)
  2. Romantically.As a woman oft scorned by love’s brutality, you have nevertheless once again allowed

    I will never love again. Until next time.

    yourself the freedom to accept and explore the joys of welcoming another amorous tryst. (Chivalry may be dead, but romance is resilient.)
  3. Feministically. No, that’s not a word, but it should be. Because I’m a woman, and I say so. Which is pretty much how you would approach the lover you’ve taken if you choose this interpretation. (Wait, feminist means bossy, right?)
  4. Metaphorically. You refuse to succumb to the chemical-hormonal confusion that becomes your brain should you allow a real-life-human-object-of-affection to love all up on you, and the notion of a lover is anthropomorphous anyway, which makes it inherently ubiquitous. (Maybe there’s a reason you don’t have a literal lover.)
  5. Literally. You found some lovers lying around and you took one. (Boom.)

Not all of these interpretations are necessarily mutually exclusive, and I’m sure there are as many other ways to interpret such a seemingly simple concept as a “lover” as there are ways for men and women to argue.

But I learned something about myself tonight: no matter how I choose to approach the idea of taking a lover, I will never be fully satisfied if that’s all it is to me. I don’t want to take a lover; I don’t want to have a lover. In the long run, I want to give love and receive love. So why waste my time taking and having lovers who aren’t interested in the same?

Oh, I know why: Because I’m a woman.

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