1. I don’t have to share. Look, it’s not like I don’t like having company when I’m drinking. But sometimes, when I’m in the grocery store, I have to make some critical decisions: wine, or meat? (Trust me when I say, it’s a tough choice.) Usually, I end up buying both and cutting out something else like organic avocados – which means I better make the alcohol freakin’ count. Sharing it does not accomplish that goal.
2. Nobody will judge me. Unless, of course, I “go into the Internet” (as my dear Gramma loves to say) and announce that I spent the night drinking alone, nobody will ever know that I opened and finished that bottle of champagne in one night. Alone. But here’s the thing: If I didn’t finish it, it would’ve gone flat anyway, so shut up.
3. The TV is much more entertaining than a night out. I think we’ve established the fact that I love TV (#4). When I’m tipsy, that love increases exponentially (or, expo-entially, if you’re my B-FAP. You’d know if you are). When I’m tipsy and alone and watching TV, I get to laugh as loud as I want, until I snort … and even beyond, if the show takes me there. It’s phenomenal.
4. Just, because. Sometimes, I need a night to myself. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to hit the gym. I don’t want to worry about who’s thinking about me in what way. I just want to freaking drink, and I don’t want to worry about getting home afterward. If that makes me a bad person, or more likely, an alcoholic, then whatever, stop proving my point.
5. I’m trying a new drink. When I go out, I tend to order the same thing. If I’m drinking beer, it’s “a Blue Moon, please,” or something like it. If I’m drinking hard alcohol, it depends on my mood. If I’m on a date, it depends on what he orders when I say “Surprise me!” But, if it can be helped, I don’t like to try new beverages in front of other people. My facial expressions never lie, and I’m sophisticated enough to admit that my “not feeling it” face is not a cute one.